Almost There

So there is one week to the race. This morning we completed the full 13.1 miles:) It felt great but now I have to admit I am tired. But I think that should be expected. I am VERY excited about running my first real race since the 3rd grade. I placed third in a 5k back then :)

In other news, school is awesome! My teachers kick ass, and they are funny and laid back. One of my professors doesn't even give an tests or quizzes :) Also, it must be the money but the seats in grad school WAY outshine the seating arrangements in undergrad.

I am finally am starting to feel like life doesn't suck that much. I totally love running and the fact that I have some people who want to run with me. It has been really nice have family over almost every weekend. I guess I just needed some major people time instead of wallowing in my pit of despair. Of course there are moments where I still hate myself but trying to get past those. Running really has helped a lot with feeling good about myself and life in general. It really does allow you to dig deep and realize that when you put your mind to it you can accomplish almost anything. :)

Good luck to all you runners out there. If you want to come see me, the marathon is in Virginia Beach. Meet you at the finish line!

Playing Tricks on Your Mind

I have been reading a book about running by Jeff Galloway. It is actually quite interesting. For one, it says that our stomachs are built to be grazers. Therefore, we should be eating small meals every hour and a half or so to keep up our blood sugar and to ensure we are refueling our bodies properly. When you start to run for long distances keeping all your BSL's and all those other acronyms up is important. But I don't know about you but I just don't have the presence of mind to eat that often...it actually sounds exhausting. But I am trying to at least not just have one big meal a day which I tend to do.

Another thing he talks about is tricking your mind into thinking a certain way. He says your left side of the brain is the one that controls logic and is the one always telling you in a round about way that you can't do things. It relies on logic, and logically running a long race is something your body is not made to do. So, in order to twart this you need to make the right side of your brain go active. You can do this by thinking imaginatively. For example, one of things I started doing yesterday was imagining that I had a rope that I carried with me. Along my run I lassoed mail boxes with my rope that was like a bungee cord. I imagined myself being pulled along by the rope. Once I got to said mailbox, I threw my rope to another mailbox up ahead. I did this and it really did work. The other thing I did was to imagine that every time the wind blew ...since it was a windy day...that I was being sprinkled with energy. Crazy I know but it frigging worked :) These imaginative ideas distract you from the task at hand.

So I began to think the next time I feel myself listening to my left brain I should push my right side into heavy gear. Of course it might not be healthy in all situations, we tend to be logic for a reason. But heck to get me through the day why the heck not?

Here Comes the Sun

So today is officially my last day of summer before grad school starts. I have to admit I am a little nervous. Its been several years since I stepped foot into a classroom and been the student. I am looking forward to it though so that I can put my energies towards something productive rather than dwelling on all the crap.

The race is also in less than two weeks now. Super excited about it and looking forward to seeing that finish line on the horizon. You know a lot people say that life is like a race. I don't really agree with that kind of comparison though. First of all I don't know what baby starts out running. Second, when you are running you always know that the finish line is somewhere up ahead. Life isn't like that. You don't know where the finish is and in the midst of running towards it you could get lost because our paths are usually not so nicely labeled.

When I was sick last summer, my doctors thought that I could use some spiritual guidance I guess and sent in the chaplain. He recommended a book to me that I am still learning from called Broken Open by Elizabeth Lesser. I am constantly thinking about the things she says in it and how I can use them in my life. It is hard though. Reading something and being inspired is one thing. But actually using it is another. Here is just one of the bits of wisdom from the book that I like.

"Things do fall apart. It is in their nature to do so. When we try to protect ourselves from the inevitability of change, we are not listening to the soul. We are listening to our fear of life and death, our lack of faith, our smaller ego's will to prevail. To listen to your soul is to stop fighting with life--to stop fighting when things fall apart; when they don't go our away, when we get sick, when we are betrayed or mistreated or misunderstood. To listen to the soul is to slow down, to feel deeply, to see ourselves clearly, to surrender to discomfort and uncertainty and to wait." -Elizabeth Lesser

So to you my friends I say if you are living your life like is a race, stop. It is not healthy. You are setting yourself up for failure I believe. Life is not a race. It is something much more beautiful.

Sometimes you Are your worst Enemy

So do you ever get the feeling that the only person you have to blame for how things are is yourself? I sure do. And the fact of the matter is, you shouldn't. I mean, sure we all have things we regret and have put ourselves into situations that we knew were trouble. But hating yourself is not a good frame of mind. You get so angry with yourself that you tend to loose focus of you really are as a person and you start to project your negative attitudes onto others around you.

I mention this because running actually helps me to stop hating myself. I mean how in the world can you say, "Self you really suck," after running 6 miles or whatever. You can't. You feel totally awesome! So running has been a sort of self therapy if you will. And guess what it didn't cost me a thing.

The other day I got pretty down because I had to turn down a job that I thought would be awesome but didn't pay enough. The person actually called me back and offered me more because she wanted me as her employee. This felt awesome. It has been months since someone has actually told me they wanted me for an employee AND offered me the darn job. :)

I guess I am learning not to beat myself up about things that are out of my control and to remember that I make mistakes like everyone else. I feel like I can be my worst enemy and my harshest critic. I think that learning to actually like yourself goes a really, really long Way :)

Run Sarah! RUN!

Well, that is what I have been doing most of the time now lately. I am training for the Rock n Roll VA Beach 1/2 Marathon in September. I am very excited as this is my first major race. I am also excited to be running it with two very special ladies, my sister in law and my good friend, Erin. Running has been challenging. But it has given me something to look forward to and the motivation to get up every morning. Running has helped me gain confidence and pushed me further than anything I have ever done before. Crazy. If I knew that I would have started doing it sooner.

I guess I have been running for a long time though now, in the figurative sense. But don't we all run, from something. I think we do. We run from our marriages, our pasts, our unhealthy behaviors. We all run. We just don't know it. I think I have been running from the truth. Fighting so hard to deny what is really happening and what I really want. I have been trying to figure out for years how I can be truly happy. Funny thing is now that I figured out what makes me happy, really happy, coincides with me being unemployed and depressed most of the time. Bummer.

For those out there who hate running, and I know who you are because I used to be you, I have a word of advice. Try running or better yet walking. Do it every day. Even when you don't feel like it. I do my best thinking when I am running. It is also great quality alone time. You probably need it more than you think.

Well today my run helped me determine that I will be taken advantage of. No matter how bad I want to work right now, I can't take the first thing that comes to the table. I have to be smart. I have to think about the future and the bills and my marriage. I can't just put that all on the line for eight dollars an hour. I just can't.