The Mental Wall

If you are a runner you know about walls. How horrible they are and why do they have to come at all? I have been hitting them a lot in my long runs. It usually happens about the last mile or so. It is completely mental. It is annoying. Focusing this week on trying to not get down on myself near the end. After all, shouldn't I be so damn happy that my self torture is almost over? I guess I just need to have an imaginary finish line in my head at all times. For the Half Marathon and VA Miler last weekend when I couldn't see the finish line I immediately got discouraged. Like....it might not ever show up which is of course stupid...it is there of course.

Funny how something so physical like running is a mind game. You have to keep telling yourself repeatedly that you can do it. Self motivation and even motivation from others doesn't trick my mind into believing itself. Bummer. My goal for the next several weeks is to tell myself I CAN do it ESPECIALLY near the end. BTW Va 10 miler was an awesome course. Only downside is that I was sick and kinda sorta went into shock at the end and when I did start to feel sick I couldn't find the damn medical tent. Yeah, fail on that one guys. Jesus what if I really did NEED medical attention. Jerks.

Even if you don't run I think that we all hit mental walls. And when we do it is like a switch that is currently stuck on the off position. If this is happening to you or has just know that you are the only one that change the way you think. You are in control of how you feel about things and what you do. So....let the wall defeat you or break down that bitch!

Lessons

I have been learning a lot of them lately. I think that I am on a long journey. In the beginning, I just wanted it to end. The road was not marked, the terrain brutal and I couldn't see continuing on such a treacherous path....it literally almost killed me. But the other path I was on, although as easy as it may have seemed it was an illusion. I had convinced myself that I was sort of happy, but I was not. So, here I am. Still climbing uphill. I tell myself that because the journey has been so long that once I reach the top it will be even more rewarding. So the lesson for my life right now is just go with the flow. This is incredibly hard for a control freak like myself. I like to be in control. Ask my husband. Ask anyone. But I am learning to be submissive.....not like that...get your head out of the gutter!

The other lesson is that things aren't always what they seem. You may think you know, but you don't know. Don't make outright assumptions because you have no frigging clue as to what lies beneath the surface. And sometimes a terrible situation can be something positive. If you know me well you know that this whole positive gig is something new. I haven't always been positive...the negative bug still creeps in with its self loathing and pity party bullshit. I am sick of that though...but it still happens. You can't be positive all the time. If you are I want to know your secret.

Other things that have been happening is that I ran another race and it was awesome. The VA Ten Miler. It was a challenge for sure. Lots of hills. But I did it :) Running is such a mind game. I was sick when I ran it and I kept telling myself the whole time that I could do it...until the last mile where I start to doubt myself which I shouldn't. I have run further so it should have been a cake walk but it was tough. Running is also about your physical state. I have realized that it just isn't about the eating and drinking the night before. What you do all week affects your run. You have to stay hydrated and eat right ALL week. Tough man. Tough.

I need to blog more. I have a lot of crap on my mind. I just need some extra hours in the day :)

Until next time.....

What are you eating?

Seriously. Do you know? I didn't until recently. Here are some crazy statistics for you. Did you know that McDonalds is the largest purchaser of beef in the US. They also put filler in ground beef that is treat with....wait for....AMMONIA!!!!!!! WTF! Ammonia...you know that shit you use to clean shit with. Yeah it is in your beef. No matter where you buy it ....chances are it has it in it. EWWWWWW!!!

Also, chickens, yeah they are being genetically modified so that they produce more white meat. Problem is the rest of the chicken cannot keep up with this massive growth. So a lot of chickens end up not being able to walk more than a few steps because their bones and other organs cannot keep up with the rapid growth. I don't know about you but I want my chicken to be running around damit! I want them to see daylight and I don't know eat things that haven't been tainted with hormones and other wonderful non natural ingredients.

I just can't seem to bring myself to eat that kind of crap. Yes it is cheap. Yes it is easy. Yes, you might get less if you buy something better. But ........don't you want the best for you body. Another thing. Did you know that soy beans have been dominated by a wonderful company that produces the things you kill your weeds with? The company that manufactures Round Up pretty much has cornered the market on soy beans. Yes. That's right. S-O-Y. The stuff that is suppose to be good for you is being run by a pesticide company. ICK. Double ick.

So...........maybe you should think about that stuff the next time you search for food. It is time consuming and their aren't many coupons out their for the stuff that is actually good....they are called vegetables and fruit. But... maybe it is worth it. Just maybe.

Something to think about. If you want to learn more watch Food Inc. Ick, Ick, ICK! I think I am going to start not eating meat unless I can help it. It is not really because I don't like meat...it's just that I don't want anything but meat in my meat.

Wow! I am officially hooked! Everyone out there I am a running junkie now. The race this weekend could not have been any better. It was my first time and might very well be the best race I ever run. What made it so great was having my sister in law and good friend there to support me. They both have run in several races and knew what to expect. I think I would have been a mess without them.

The other great thing was the weather. I have never seen such great running weather. Perfect temps at the starting line, shade throughout the course, and cool breezes off the water. Outstanding. The race was well organized and the energy rippled through the air. The adrenaline cloud engulfed me the whole race even at the end when I felt like I couldn't make it. The feeling I got when I crossed the finish line is something I will never, ever forget. To go through something like that and know that all the training paid off was amazing.

I am already super excited about next year and I am ready to rock! I can't wait to try and do a full marathon in the future but that shall have to wait. My finishing time was 2:18:50 which was 6 minutes off my training pace. Melissa and I shaved 30 seconds off of every mile which is no easy feat.

The afternoon after the race was the best. Chilling at the beach, letting my legs soak in the temperate, salty water :) One of the best days I have had in a really, really long time. Whenever you feel like you want to give up just think that you don't know what the future holds. Last year around this time if you told me I was going to run a half marathon I would have laughed. So much can happen in one year. Your whole world can change. For the better. Keep believing in yourself and there is no limit to what you can accomplish.