Don't Ever Give Up

Well, I did it. My crazy ass ran 26.2 miles. Just to put that in to perspective for people it is like running from my house to Stafford or from Chesapeake to Virginia Beach. Nuts. But I am very glad I did it. Now that I don't have any races plans I feel....lazy and a little empty. But have no fear there are plenty of races out there. I have to say though that I might not ever do a full marathon again. After all that training I ended up getting bronchitis the week before and pretty much felt like a piece of shit leading up to it. I also found out the week before that I have really bad sciatica ......which started to really take its toll on me around mile 14 and continued until mile 20. So that part of the race was my least favorite. I did really, really enjoy the scenery though. We ran past the James River and over the Huguenot Bridge and with all the fall leaves it was gorgeous. I also liked the fact that I wasn't dying from heat exhaustion at the end. Running in November is very different from running in early September.

Also, the other thing I really realized during this race is that you need support. I don't know how anyone runs that far without having a running buddy or several running buddies. We met someone at the beginning of the race and ran with her for the first 20 miles. So that was really nice. You meet a lot of really nice people. You all feel drawn together because you are all fighting for the same goal. Something happens when you are running that far for that long. You almost go to a place in your mind that you rarely go and push your body to the extreme. If you ever watch those I Shouldn't Be Alive shows and wonder how they hell they did it, it probably is because they have an amazing will to live and a mind that won't give up.

If I can quote one of my favorite shows, Fringe, ..."The mind is God. There are no limits except for those that we impose on ourselves."

As I said before I think everyone should run. I think it is a great way to exercise and a great way to push your body. I know people think I am crazy and that they could never do it. But seriously, I never thought I would be able to and then I just decided I was going to and that is all it took. If you think about it we do a lot of things just because we decide to do them. We make conscious decisions that sometimes have lasting impacts and shape who we are and who we will be. So, I challenge everyone who reads this to run at least one race in 2011 :) You can DO IT! And remember it is never about your time, it is about the experience and the journey.

And the beat goes on

So, it is official. I am nuts. I signed up for a full marathon. This is absolutely craziness. I just never imagined myself being this psyched about running and never in my life thought I would PAY someone to run. Ain't it isn't any chump change either.

Anyway, back to the training. So far, so good. I bought new shoes. Turns out for a running shoe I am a 9 when I am usually a 7.5. My feet swell a lot when I run and I have a nasty in step. But now at least I will be running on some good shoes. I also started running using a water belt. Thanks to Melissa. It is something to get used to but really helps you avoid having to make unnecessary pit stops. If you are going to run long distances I advise purchasing one.

In another news, gone completely vegetarian. Which has helped my mood tremendously. No more meat. Period. Feels kind of nice. I just can't do it anymore after watching Food Inc. But I don't think one can just decide to go vegetarian, like it is a diet or something. It is much more than that. It's a lifestyle. You have to be devoted to it and stick to it. It is also something that you should try to do over time. If you don't eat a vegetarian meal at least once a week then you should try it. Then two, then three, then maybe all together. Or start with one meat and move down the row still you not eating anything but veg and fish.

School has been rough lately. There is a lot of work to do and not enough time......seriously if I could increase the number of hours in the day and devote more hours to sleep I would do it in a heartbeat. I just can't find any time for me lately which kind of stinks. Running although cathartic can also be the opposite if you start stressing. Which I have found myself doing. I finish my races going as fast as I can but when I can't see the finish line I get depressed. I guess life is like that too for me. When I can't see the end in sight it really gets me down and makes me feel like I can't do it. I got to work on that.

Until next time.....

The Mental Wall

If you are a runner you know about walls. How horrible they are and why do they have to come at all? I have been hitting them a lot in my long runs. It usually happens about the last mile or so. It is completely mental. It is annoying. Focusing this week on trying to not get down on myself near the end. After all, shouldn't I be so damn happy that my self torture is almost over? I guess I just need to have an imaginary finish line in my head at all times. For the Half Marathon and VA Miler last weekend when I couldn't see the finish line I immediately got discouraged. Like....it might not ever show up which is of course stupid...it is there of course.

Funny how something so physical like running is a mind game. You have to keep telling yourself repeatedly that you can do it. Self motivation and even motivation from others doesn't trick my mind into believing itself. Bummer. My goal for the next several weeks is to tell myself I CAN do it ESPECIALLY near the end. BTW Va 10 miler was an awesome course. Only downside is that I was sick and kinda sorta went into shock at the end and when I did start to feel sick I couldn't find the damn medical tent. Yeah, fail on that one guys. Jesus what if I really did NEED medical attention. Jerks.

Even if you don't run I think that we all hit mental walls. And when we do it is like a switch that is currently stuck on the off position. If this is happening to you or has just know that you are the only one that change the way you think. You are in control of how you feel about things and what you do. So....let the wall defeat you or break down that bitch!

Lessons

I have been learning a lot of them lately. I think that I am on a long journey. In the beginning, I just wanted it to end. The road was not marked, the terrain brutal and I couldn't see continuing on such a treacherous path....it literally almost killed me. But the other path I was on, although as easy as it may have seemed it was an illusion. I had convinced myself that I was sort of happy, but I was not. So, here I am. Still climbing uphill. I tell myself that because the journey has been so long that once I reach the top it will be even more rewarding. So the lesson for my life right now is just go with the flow. This is incredibly hard for a control freak like myself. I like to be in control. Ask my husband. Ask anyone. But I am learning to be submissive.....not like that...get your head out of the gutter!

The other lesson is that things aren't always what they seem. You may think you know, but you don't know. Don't make outright assumptions because you have no frigging clue as to what lies beneath the surface. And sometimes a terrible situation can be something positive. If you know me well you know that this whole positive gig is something new. I haven't always been positive...the negative bug still creeps in with its self loathing and pity party bullshit. I am sick of that though...but it still happens. You can't be positive all the time. If you are I want to know your secret.

Other things that have been happening is that I ran another race and it was awesome. The VA Ten Miler. It was a challenge for sure. Lots of hills. But I did it :) Running is such a mind game. I was sick when I ran it and I kept telling myself the whole time that I could do it...until the last mile where I start to doubt myself which I shouldn't. I have run further so it should have been a cake walk but it was tough. Running is also about your physical state. I have realized that it just isn't about the eating and drinking the night before. What you do all week affects your run. You have to stay hydrated and eat right ALL week. Tough man. Tough.

I need to blog more. I have a lot of crap on my mind. I just need some extra hours in the day :)

Until next time.....

What are you eating?

Seriously. Do you know? I didn't until recently. Here are some crazy statistics for you. Did you know that McDonalds is the largest purchaser of beef in the US. They also put filler in ground beef that is treat with....wait for....AMMONIA!!!!!!! WTF! Ammonia...you know that shit you use to clean shit with. Yeah it is in your beef. No matter where you buy it ....chances are it has it in it. EWWWWWW!!!

Also, chickens, yeah they are being genetically modified so that they produce more white meat. Problem is the rest of the chicken cannot keep up with this massive growth. So a lot of chickens end up not being able to walk more than a few steps because their bones and other organs cannot keep up with the rapid growth. I don't know about you but I want my chicken to be running around damit! I want them to see daylight and I don't know eat things that haven't been tainted with hormones and other wonderful non natural ingredients.

I just can't seem to bring myself to eat that kind of crap. Yes it is cheap. Yes it is easy. Yes, you might get less if you buy something better. But ........don't you want the best for you body. Another thing. Did you know that soy beans have been dominated by a wonderful company that produces the things you kill your weeds with? The company that manufactures Round Up pretty much has cornered the market on soy beans. Yes. That's right. S-O-Y. The stuff that is suppose to be good for you is being run by a pesticide company. ICK. Double ick.

So...........maybe you should think about that stuff the next time you search for food. It is time consuming and their aren't many coupons out their for the stuff that is actually good....they are called vegetables and fruit. But... maybe it is worth it. Just maybe.

Something to think about. If you want to learn more watch Food Inc. Ick, Ick, ICK! I think I am going to start not eating meat unless I can help it. It is not really because I don't like meat...it's just that I don't want anything but meat in my meat.

Wow! I am officially hooked! Everyone out there I am a running junkie now. The race this weekend could not have been any better. It was my first time and might very well be the best race I ever run. What made it so great was having my sister in law and good friend there to support me. They both have run in several races and knew what to expect. I think I would have been a mess without them.

The other great thing was the weather. I have never seen such great running weather. Perfect temps at the starting line, shade throughout the course, and cool breezes off the water. Outstanding. The race was well organized and the energy rippled through the air. The adrenaline cloud engulfed me the whole race even at the end when I felt like I couldn't make it. The feeling I got when I crossed the finish line is something I will never, ever forget. To go through something like that and know that all the training paid off was amazing.

I am already super excited about next year and I am ready to rock! I can't wait to try and do a full marathon in the future but that shall have to wait. My finishing time was 2:18:50 which was 6 minutes off my training pace. Melissa and I shaved 30 seconds off of every mile which is no easy feat.

The afternoon after the race was the best. Chilling at the beach, letting my legs soak in the temperate, salty water :) One of the best days I have had in a really, really long time. Whenever you feel like you want to give up just think that you don't know what the future holds. Last year around this time if you told me I was going to run a half marathon I would have laughed. So much can happen in one year. Your whole world can change. For the better. Keep believing in yourself and there is no limit to what you can accomplish.

Almost There

So there is one week to the race. This morning we completed the full 13.1 miles:) It felt great but now I have to admit I am tired. But I think that should be expected. I am VERY excited about running my first real race since the 3rd grade. I placed third in a 5k back then :)

In other news, school is awesome! My teachers kick ass, and they are funny and laid back. One of my professors doesn't even give an tests or quizzes :) Also, it must be the money but the seats in grad school WAY outshine the seating arrangements in undergrad.

I am finally am starting to feel like life doesn't suck that much. I totally love running and the fact that I have some people who want to run with me. It has been really nice have family over almost every weekend. I guess I just needed some major people time instead of wallowing in my pit of despair. Of course there are moments where I still hate myself but trying to get past those. Running really has helped a lot with feeling good about myself and life in general. It really does allow you to dig deep and realize that when you put your mind to it you can accomplish almost anything. :)

Good luck to all you runners out there. If you want to come see me, the marathon is in Virginia Beach. Meet you at the finish line!

Playing Tricks on Your Mind

I have been reading a book about running by Jeff Galloway. It is actually quite interesting. For one, it says that our stomachs are built to be grazers. Therefore, we should be eating small meals every hour and a half or so to keep up our blood sugar and to ensure we are refueling our bodies properly. When you start to run for long distances keeping all your BSL's and all those other acronyms up is important. But I don't know about you but I just don't have the presence of mind to eat that often...it actually sounds exhausting. But I am trying to at least not just have one big meal a day which I tend to do.

Another thing he talks about is tricking your mind into thinking a certain way. He says your left side of the brain is the one that controls logic and is the one always telling you in a round about way that you can't do things. It relies on logic, and logically running a long race is something your body is not made to do. So, in order to twart this you need to make the right side of your brain go active. You can do this by thinking imaginatively. For example, one of things I started doing yesterday was imagining that I had a rope that I carried with me. Along my run I lassoed mail boxes with my rope that was like a bungee cord. I imagined myself being pulled along by the rope. Once I got to said mailbox, I threw my rope to another mailbox up ahead. I did this and it really did work. The other thing I did was to imagine that every time the wind blew ...since it was a windy day...that I was being sprinkled with energy. Crazy I know but it frigging worked :) These imaginative ideas distract you from the task at hand.

So I began to think the next time I feel myself listening to my left brain I should push my right side into heavy gear. Of course it might not be healthy in all situations, we tend to be logic for a reason. But heck to get me through the day why the heck not?

Here Comes the Sun

So today is officially my last day of summer before grad school starts. I have to admit I am a little nervous. Its been several years since I stepped foot into a classroom and been the student. I am looking forward to it though so that I can put my energies towards something productive rather than dwelling on all the crap.

The race is also in less than two weeks now. Super excited about it and looking forward to seeing that finish line on the horizon. You know a lot people say that life is like a race. I don't really agree with that kind of comparison though. First of all I don't know what baby starts out running. Second, when you are running you always know that the finish line is somewhere up ahead. Life isn't like that. You don't know where the finish is and in the midst of running towards it you could get lost because our paths are usually not so nicely labeled.

When I was sick last summer, my doctors thought that I could use some spiritual guidance I guess and sent in the chaplain. He recommended a book to me that I am still learning from called Broken Open by Elizabeth Lesser. I am constantly thinking about the things she says in it and how I can use them in my life. It is hard though. Reading something and being inspired is one thing. But actually using it is another. Here is just one of the bits of wisdom from the book that I like.

"Things do fall apart. It is in their nature to do so. When we try to protect ourselves from the inevitability of change, we are not listening to the soul. We are listening to our fear of life and death, our lack of faith, our smaller ego's will to prevail. To listen to your soul is to stop fighting with life--to stop fighting when things fall apart; when they don't go our away, when we get sick, when we are betrayed or mistreated or misunderstood. To listen to the soul is to slow down, to feel deeply, to see ourselves clearly, to surrender to discomfort and uncertainty and to wait." -Elizabeth Lesser

So to you my friends I say if you are living your life like is a race, stop. It is not healthy. You are setting yourself up for failure I believe. Life is not a race. It is something much more beautiful.

Sometimes you Are your worst Enemy

So do you ever get the feeling that the only person you have to blame for how things are is yourself? I sure do. And the fact of the matter is, you shouldn't. I mean, sure we all have things we regret and have put ourselves into situations that we knew were trouble. But hating yourself is not a good frame of mind. You get so angry with yourself that you tend to loose focus of you really are as a person and you start to project your negative attitudes onto others around you.

I mention this because running actually helps me to stop hating myself. I mean how in the world can you say, "Self you really suck," after running 6 miles or whatever. You can't. You feel totally awesome! So running has been a sort of self therapy if you will. And guess what it didn't cost me a thing.

The other day I got pretty down because I had to turn down a job that I thought would be awesome but didn't pay enough. The person actually called me back and offered me more because she wanted me as her employee. This felt awesome. It has been months since someone has actually told me they wanted me for an employee AND offered me the darn job. :)

I guess I am learning not to beat myself up about things that are out of my control and to remember that I make mistakes like everyone else. I feel like I can be my worst enemy and my harshest critic. I think that learning to actually like yourself goes a really, really long Way :)

Run Sarah! RUN!

Well, that is what I have been doing most of the time now lately. I am training for the Rock n Roll VA Beach 1/2 Marathon in September. I am very excited as this is my first major race. I am also excited to be running it with two very special ladies, my sister in law and my good friend, Erin. Running has been challenging. But it has given me something to look forward to and the motivation to get up every morning. Running has helped me gain confidence and pushed me further than anything I have ever done before. Crazy. If I knew that I would have started doing it sooner.

I guess I have been running for a long time though now, in the figurative sense. But don't we all run, from something. I think we do. We run from our marriages, our pasts, our unhealthy behaviors. We all run. We just don't know it. I think I have been running from the truth. Fighting so hard to deny what is really happening and what I really want. I have been trying to figure out for years how I can be truly happy. Funny thing is now that I figured out what makes me happy, really happy, coincides with me being unemployed and depressed most of the time. Bummer.

For those out there who hate running, and I know who you are because I used to be you, I have a word of advice. Try running or better yet walking. Do it every day. Even when you don't feel like it. I do my best thinking when I am running. It is also great quality alone time. You probably need it more than you think.

Well today my run helped me determine that I will be taken advantage of. No matter how bad I want to work right now, I can't take the first thing that comes to the table. I have to be smart. I have to think about the future and the bills and my marriage. I can't just put that all on the line for eight dollars an hour. I just can't.